Complacency Kills

"despite everything, I believe people are really good at heart"  --Anne Frank

Anne Frank, the 13 year girl old who put a human face and a voice to six million anonymous victims of the Holocaust through the diary she kept while in hiding from the Nazis, has become the most recent poster child for today’s  insidious  brand of racism.  Genocide, religious persecution, and the precious life of a child,  have apparently now been reduced to a sick joke about corn chips… all for our amusement.

Most of us have read The Diary of Anne Frank.  In fact, it’s been on the recommended reading list in schools here and in Europe for about six decades. The majority of us, (with our clever little daily face book postings, which in themselves read kind of like adolescent diary entries complete with select color photos of our free-wheeling lives), were probably required to read Anne Frank’s pathetic and powerful diary back in grade school. Somewhere between 6th and 8th grade- right around the same age  she was when she wrote her famous diary, is when most of us were introduced to the thin faced, smart little Jewish girl, who so aptly described the details of a harrowing life of  persecution.  A life most of us can only imagine, thank God. When we read her story  way back then, we very likely identified with her adolescent mind, and probably felt at least some of the anxiety she and her family must have felt, as they lived, cramped in silence, so as to go undetected, so as to …live…   I'm sure, most of us mourned the silencing of her  teenaged voice as the pages of her diary abruptly came to an end... and surely, we learned a lesson from her tragedy. That was the point, wasn't it?

   And now,  60 plus years later, the image of her sweet, iconic face has been cut and pasted onto a tasteless meme that reads, " I love Doritos but they are so loud”...

This disturbing “joke” has quickly made the rounds on the Internet, infecting, one way or another, all who see it. Whether people find it funny in a sophomoric and ignorant kind of way, or in some sick anti-Semitic validating way, ( it's on  Neo-Nazi sites now) or whether, like me, they are truly upset by it, the meme is out there doing its insidious damage, tearing another hole in the decency of man. 


Yesterday I saw it posted on a high school friend's face book page.  My heart sank when I saw it.  And it sank again, and…again, when I read the threads of commentaries by other friends. Not ONE person objected to the posting, and in fact, many went along with it, by clicking the  "like" response.  Yeah, it’s a real  Siskel and Ebert thumbs up… for sure...


 At first my own response was weak. I simply wrote the word "oh,"  because…. I felt truly "speechless."  A day later however, I found my "voice" and wrote the following words:  "Okay, I’m going to say it, what the fuck is wrong with people?"  And really, what the fuck IS wrong with people?

 The same day that I saw the Anne Frank meme for the first time, Dateline aired a show about racial discrimination and teen peer pressure.  Dateline set out to demonstrate how teens, all of who had previously been schooled by their parents on the wrongful nature of racial discrimination, still fall victim to peer pressure and their desire to fit in.  Watching the teens on a closed circuit TV, the parents looked on in a mixture of fear, concern, disappointment and surprise, as all but two out of more than a dozen, caved in to group pressure and made racially biased decisions—decisions that were based on unfair stereotypes and decisions, I might add, that in real life, and real time, would drastically alter the quality of an individual's life all because of how they "look."- 

I cried when the two lone teens found the courage to go with their gut and voice  objection to the unfair racial discrimination, despite heavy peer pressure.  The courage and compassion they so clearly demonstrated filled me with a sense of pride and moved me as if they were my own children. I thought to myself, this is how we cultivate great future leaders of the world. These are the kinds of people who should lead the world…

Have you ever been in the presence of, and heard a first hand account of a Holocaust survivor’s experiences?  I have.  I once sat in a college classroom, a week after my younger brother’s funeral, when I was in the deepest part of my grief, and listened to the incredible stories of two old men who had managed to avoid the angel of death, Dr. Mengele and his human torture, and who somehow managed to live to tell, even though their mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers were sent to the gas chambers.  I remember thinking that if these two old men could survive the horrors they just described, I could surely survive the grief I felt over my brother’s untimely death.  Those two old men reminded all of us in the room that day, that bearing witness to their stories of the Holocaust came with a huge responsibility- that we were all now charged with the task of sharing their stories with future generations so as to ensure that history could not repeat itself.  

Anne Frank and six million people died in the Holocaust because too few people had the courage to speak out against racial discrimination, religious persecution and genocide. The "harmless" Anne Frank meme, spreading around the Internet without obvious objection, is reminiscent of the kind of complacency that served as the seeds of the Holocaust- yes, it's true, Anne Frank died because many well-meaning people were simply complacent and, silently went along with an ugly ugly status quo, even though they were "decent" people.   And though she knew what kind of fate awaited her in the hands of the Nazi’s, this brave young girl actually managed to put into writing a belief she held onto- ...that “people are basically good at heart.”  If for nothing else but this sentiment alone, she should not be the fodder for a tasteless joke, she believed in your goodness… so show some respect for human life, and please, please don’t prove her wrong.

Why are you calling my sister sweet as ice cream and dumb as an afternoon parade road block, when you've never even met her?

I first read the following blog entry:http://phoebeholmes.com/2011/12/23/being-retarded/ a week ago when a friend posted it on her facebook page, a post which resulted in my friend being "jokingly" accused by her adult niece on facebook of simply being "overly politically correct." However, when I saw the blog post entry, I quickly cut and paste it to a disability forum page that I subscribe to, and also thanked my friend for the posting.  A few days later, I noticed that on the forum page, the blog entry had started a bit of a running commentary, and the author of the blog entry was mildly under attack....for using too narrow a narrative of disability, and for using too many "nevers" to describe her disabled daughter's life. While I understand the reaction of those who want to change negative perceptions about persons with disabilities, I also understand what it is like to live with some of the "nevers, " that the blog mom describes. I'm starting to understand more and more the degree by which our perceptions of disabilities are insidiously affected by the world around us. And while the perceptions often have much less to do with the real possibilities for persons with disabilities than we think, as we know better  today, we, like the disabled person, can be prisoners of society's narrow view. That is why we need to understand the power of a single word to either block or effect change...

I once spoke out in my work place asking people to stop using the word retarded as their description for just about everything you can think of from deliciously sweet ice cream someone was enjoying at lunch, to the inconvenience of an afternoon street closing for a high school parade. I announced one day, after being fed up with hearing it over and over, that the word was really offensive- One person actually responded by saying "It's just a joke," and then, rather defiantly, she asked me who is was it offending, anyway?  As it wasn't, in her worldly opinion, offending anybody present. ( Apparently many people think if a "retarded" person is not in the room, then it's okay to use the word)... Stunned by her ignorance, I answered: "Well, me for starters." ....And that should have been enough right there and then, in my opinion, to make them all stop, but... - I guess people don't realize that beyond feeding into a narrative of disability that perpetuates devastatingly limited stereotypes with real consequences for persons with disabilities, by bandying around the word "retarded", there are also family members and friends of people with disabilities who really feel the pain and narrowness of that word. And friends and family are often the ones who are on the front lines in the battle to effect change....


I have a twin sister who has a cognitive disability- and there really are some "nevers" that apply to her cognitive skill level. She will for example, never drive a car, never live on her own, never get married, ... and although some of her "nevers" are the result of her cognitive skill level, part of what has limited her has been the way the world views her as a "retarded" person- Sweet as delicious ice cream and awkward and inconvenient as an afternoon parade road block-how dismissive! Yet if they knew my sister, they'd see she has a sense of humor and a temper like the rest of us, that she has feelings and needs, and wants and desires like every human being. Or if they took the time to hear about even a fraction of the battles my mother and father had to fight with the State to get the proper care for her over the course of 40 some years, or felt the pain we felt as children for being teased about her by other kids, the discomfort of  rude stares, or perhaps if they experienced the worry for every time she was injured in State care but wasnt able to tell us who and how, or had been given the wrong medication with adverse affects, or if they realized how many ways her status as a " retarded" person forever changed our family dynamic, in both positive and negative ways, or if they ever sat with her for an afternoon, they'd realize she's more than an ice cream flavor and a silly parade.... she's our Mary Mac, who we love and who loves us back. She's my twin, the person I came into this world with...

It is not her disability that had dictated the quality of her life, it's the world's reaction to her disabiltiy that has created some of the limitations that are now "nevers" like the blog mom talks about. For sure, if the world Mary was born into 50 some years ago had a more  open view of disabilities, there would be fewer "nevers" on her life list. It is with both gratitude and sadness, envy and delight that I welcome the positive changes that are now available for persons with disabilities- and these changes have come about because of friends and family members who advocate for change...the ones who speak out..the ones who take offense to indifference...   and this is why a word, so seemingly insignificant to others, needs to be retired from the slang pool.  It hurts us, and has such insidious and destructive power when it comes to the lives of persons with disabilities, and that my friends, should be more than enough to make us stop using it.... 

2012 ... the New Year....

This year is going to be the year.  I feel  and believe many wonderful things are  going to happen this year.... for all of us...if we make a conscious effort to choose the positive over the negative




 2008 was the year  I walked away from a business that I had been with for 7 years, a business that I  became an owner and  partner in, a popular local business that I had given no less than 120 percent of  my time, energy, creativity, and hard hard work to. I  had built that business into a ridiculously successful business, and the more successful it got, the more my former business partner wanted me to do while she did what she wanted with the profits (in the most non transparent way she could, and did).   Over time in my life with that business, I became somebody I didn't like very much. I worked sixty to eighty hours a week, developed nagging health issues,  snapped at the people around me, and eventually... spent every day seething in resentments knowing deep down I'd been duped by my partner, who was a most masterful manipulator hiding behind a sweet and grandmotherly voice.  Gradually the sincere love I once felt towards her was replaced by a feeling of utter contempt.   I also, sadly,  lost a few friends in that time, by putting the business first. Looking back, I realize  I even came dangerously close to destroying my marriage,  because business always came first.  My many sleepless nights in that period were spent quietly obsessing over the business,  and when the business partnership finally  soured, I began obsessing over how I could get out of it all.  Then... one day, after seeing a draft of the profits and loss for the year, it all became painfully clear, so.... I calmly, and rather resolutely walked away, literally.  I called my former business partner to inform her that I was done, and I meant it. I never spoke to her again.  Leaving my business behind was one of the hardest  things I ever did. To put my coat on, and walk away from a business I built, a business that a few months after I left, was sold for profit, and one that upon leaving, never again yielded me, the creative heart and sole behind it,  one. red. cent.... though I was owed thousands...As painful and scary as it was,  walking away was necessary and  a matter of survival. 


 The hang over, anger, shame, and the emotional pain from that experience was fierce, and it lasted for a few years. Initially, I  started litigation, but had neither the emotional strength  or funds to get very far,  and decided that the lawyers involved were jerks anyway.  Besides, my contract was weak, which in itself was a hard and shameful lesson.  So, I simply had to keep moving forward,  despite having left a part of my identity behind.  I felt very lost for a time.   In early 2009 I took a job as a waitress in a really grueling and abusive environment, went back to school for a graduate degree in English,  worked as a graduate assistant, and all the while, I  secretly blamed myself  for  the past, and worried that I was "too old"  "too out of place" and that  I had pretty much failed at life... and that life had failed me... 
By 2011, after I finished my courses in grad school,  I  spent four months looking for work and sank into a deep depression. It was actually a deeper depression, because looking back, I now realize I was depressed all through grad school, and before grad school. Nothing was clicking.  Then, out of the blue, in July,  when a former employee's husband asked me to help him open his new business, I was only too grateful to be working again... and it was in the role of  a business manager in the craziest of  environments that I finally bottomed out on my own stinkin thinkin. Something in what turned out to be a highly dysfunctional  environment  forced me to turn the corner, and when I finally found the strength to let go of the dysfunction around me, I let go of a lot of my anger and the resentment, and my own dysfunction. It was time to let go of the past.  The  experience of helping someone open their business made me remember what I am capable of, both the positive and  the negative.  So, I consciously chose to go with the positive because simply put, I'd had more than enough of the negative.
By the end of October I  left the job, threw out the Wellbutrin,  reconnected with my community of healthy minded friends, and even gained  a few new smart and loving ones.  In  November I shed a few toxic people.  In December, just before the holidays, I braved a much needed sugar detox and began a new healthy diet regime with lots of leafy green vegetables,  and shed 8 pounds of my 20 lb weight loss goal by the first half of  January. 


My most important goal for the new year however,  is to do one kind act per day towards another person, to stay in a positive mindset so as to allow new things to come into my life, and most of all, to be grateful for all that I have. I have a lot. I have a  higher power, a  husband,  family, and friends who care about me and who I care deeply about,  two dogs who rule my life, and really, all that I need for today....To  keep what I have,  I need to give it away,  hence, the thoughtful act for another person per day...


In a few days I will be starting my new full time job as an editor/curator.  Time heals all wounds. Beautiful things are coming our wayhttp://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf

It's Not Over Until the Proverbial Fat Lady Sings

Today is a flat and gray day for me. I'm okay,  I'm not necessarily down, I just feel like a room temperature glass of gingerale that's lost its bubbles. . (I hear it's good for stomach aches....)

 The thing is, I have been working extremely hard at searching for a job every day for the past three months, and this is just one of those days where I've had to stop to undo the knots of worry about my future that seem to have accumulated in my addled brain. It's the longest I've ever gone with out landing a job.  For now, I  just need to step back, rethink my strategy, let go of my fear and resentment, and continue on continuing on. 

That said,  this is hands down the hardest job market I have ever encountered in all of my adult working life. I'm trying to change careers in a bad economy. It feels like someone is playing a really bad joke on me, considering the fact that it coincides with my recent graduate degree and the highest level of proven ability and job experience to date.... but a specialized degree doesn't seem to mean squat right now...and yes, I know there are lots and lots of people in the same boat (so say the employed...). 

 Still... I continue to rise to the occasion in an ever more challenging and competitive job market despite feeling at times genuinely frightened, and at at times, seriously panicked.  This economy is not for the faint of heart! With over 175 resumes out there, I have risen to the status of "Guerilla Job Hunter"... and I have good game... I fully research the target company in advance, I do follow ups, write great letters, I think on my feet, have a  great  academic record, solid references, some impressive career experiences, the works...Yes, I'm smart, I can stand out, I promise...but... so far not much is happening… but I’m open…even in this mercenary atmosphere, I'm open.

For one potential job, I interviewed over the the phone for two hours, then met in person with the potential employer for close to five hours. During the interview, his dog farted oniony smells from all the greasy Hungarian meatball treats I was encouraged to feed him to keep him from getting too aggressive, while his master talked, and talked, and talked, in a thick Hungarian accent all the while chain smoking Marlboro Reds.  (I liked the guy).  After the interview, I did some additional research,  found a few potential leads and creative marketing materials for his business.  I  even wrote several follow up emails with a few informative articles about news and developments in his industry. Yet even after all that, he didn't get back to me when it came down to the final decision, despite the heartfelt speech he gave me about believing in being up front, and in keeping promises to be truthful with one another in the process. Uh huh, okay...sure

It's fine that somebody else who is probably more suited to his business needs got the job, it's just the lack of courtesy that gets me down. It's like being  kicked  after you've already tripped and hit the ground. At the end of our meeting,  he walked me to my car and talked to me for another 40 minutes on the street, avowing that it would be 'a couple of weeks' before he would make a final decision, and assuring me he would be in touch, that he liked me very much, that I was highly qualified blah blah blah, but, alas, three, four, five weeks later, ( insert cricket sound).   I even emailed him a final time, just to make sure, but he obviously couldn't be bothered to answer, even though he had taken the time to "friend" me on Facebook.  How awkward is that?  I was so tempted to email him back one more time with a simple "really?"....but that would just be self defeating in the long run, I suppose...because I must leave all doors open for the time being, 'though this blog has the potential to slam that door one more time...at least- (may be time to unfriend him)

Then there is, or I should say, as of today,  there was the potential job with the big publishing company for the sales rep position,  which I was personally and rather highly recommended for by one of the company's valued clients, my dear alma mater.  I made it through two phases of the company's interview process, and was told by the regional manager who interviewed me that it would be a few weeks before the company would  make a decision on which of their candidates would make it to the third round, adding that I "did well," and that he "liked me."   After three weeks of silence I emailed him and a week and a half later... still  ... nothing... not a word....nada, niente, zip...   

Today I got a call from a  teacher friend who got some inside information,  and it looks as though they have all but hired someone.  I hear she looks like Barbie... (very, very faint, yay).

Does my missing a quality or two that you might be looking for warrant the disrespect? I think not. 

So I guess the lesson in this is that the current mercenary trend of low-balling on wages and the 'no word whatsoever non-response  response,'   is  the new millennial way of saying (roughly translated): " you didn't get it, but we needed to string you along for a month while we  hunted around for someone better  (and in this case hotter, younger) while we made up our minds and really, it doesn't matter to us how that impacts you. We were going to get you for really cheap, anyway."    Okay. Okay, I get it, rejection emails are so 2007.  The economy is bad, and the good, real jobs are scarce. ( Did I mention that since I have been  sending out resumes, my inbox is flooded with emails from various financial advisers, mostly Nigerian,  who wish to inform me about a substantial fortune they'd like to share with me if I can just send my banking info)? Seriously, if a person makes it through two rounds of interviews, the very least the interviewer can do is respond to a freaking email inquiry. How hard or  how time consuming is that in our age of technology? Uh, about 130 key strokes and 60 seconds max?   Nobody in my opinion is so important or so busy that they can't be a member of the human race...

And yes, two months ago, if I read a blogpost like the one I am presently writing, I would immediately cast a negative judgment on the blogger as a "whiner" all the  while going over the scenarios in my mind, feeling confident that  similar situations could never ever ever happen to me...because I always, always, always have managed to get the job! ...until this time….

So right now I have to discipline my mind not to dwell on what was, and what isn't, and what others have that I don't at the moment, because to dwell is to feel resentment, sadness, and a deep sense of loss, which are useless, out of place emotions in what is turning out to be a long and uphill trek. But man oh man, it's so damn hard not to dwell and wallow, especially when, in a moment of self pity, it rushes into my head that only a  few short years ago, I had my own business, I was the person who was doing the hiring and firing, and I was the person who had the means and power to help out a few struggling individuals, and back then, my husband and I really did help.  We did not help because we wanted something back, ( how great is that feeling to not want something in return for a kind act!), and we did not help because we felt superior, yet, I find myself hurting a lot these days because life is  not giving back all that much, and its just so hard to understand the whys, and the why nots. It's hard not to feel like it must be the result of  me being not worthy-  it's all such a compare and despair trap, and every few days, I find myself falling into it...

My guess, is that it's not for me to know, it's just for me to accept, and work on. 

I know this much: in the past, when my husband and I saw someone in trouble, they didn't have to ask for our help, we just did it because that's what we believe is the right thing to do. No  fanfare necessary, no need to make anyone feel creepy. Besides it's always been a rather pure way to express thanks and gratitude for what ever abundance we have had in our lives.  

I  was raised by a mother who lived though the Great Depression- and she must have told us a thousand times all throughout our childhood when we were blissfully unaware and oh so lacking in appreciation for what we had in our 6 bedroom, four and half bath tudor home in an upscale NYC suburb, that life and circumstances can, do, and will sometimes change drastically-  She told us stories about how  her family were shameful "rent hoppers" in the early '40's  because her father couldn't find work no matter how hard he looked- and that she and her family lived in a tent on Lake Michigan for an entire summer when she was 10, not because they were on vacation camping, but because they had nowhere else to go. 

Just thinking about  how uncertain  life must have been for my mother as a young girl growing up, makes me realize I really need to stop feeling so sorry for myself ( but don't tell her that)!

The one thing I know in all this is that nothing stays the same. What do they say?  'It's not over until the fat lady sings...'?  I agree.  I'd even go so far as to say never ever  ever think of the fat lady as just "the fat lady"  because everyone and everything is subject to this thing called change.  And hey, don't look now, but the proverbial fat lady you’ve been busy writing off  all this time and  who you have only thought of as  “that fat lady" could now well be the Barbie that just beat you out of your dream job..... 

Let's Talk About The Real Housewives Phenomenon

What in the world is going on in American society that TV franchises like The Real Housewives and The Bachelor/Bachelorette have been so damn successful? I'm not going to sit on a high horse and lie and say I am above these shows because I do watch them and a part of me loves to lie on the couch and judge the hell out of the "real" people that are on them...they make me feel smarter, albeit materially poorer.... but really... what is going on here?  As a female viewer, I won't even excuse my own interest in the shows by claiming it's only harmless "  guilty pleasures,"  or just rewards for slaving away at my studies in grad school, or even argue that it's an escape, because there is so so much more to it than that. I don't know where to begin. But let's start with the Real Housewives Producer, Andy Cohen.

Andy Cohen is undoubtedly one of the most affable and successful TV producers on television today. (In fact, the shows are so successful, he probably owns the Bravo Network by this point in time). He is most certainly a hot commodity in entertainment land as evidenced by his recent  appearance on cover of the  NY Times Magazine. His "Watch What Happens Live" is a half  hour long love fest between him and A-list  celebrities,  all of whom  sit around with him on his cozy little club house set, and "plug" themselves while sipping smart, sexy looking alcoholic drinks, sharing their witty insights about the Housewives and various other really important issues (not)  with us, the plebs out in TV land....  Sigh,.....,  their insights, which are about as deep as the overly tanned, big-boobed-bitchy women they are slamming, are centered on taking sides in the petty fights that the Housewives shows are brimming over with. I won't lie, it is kind of entertaining, it's like watching a  car crash in slow motion... but the bad news is, we are all in the back seat...

   And let's face it,  Andy is a disarming, lovable gay male who has what appears to be a permanent shit eating grin, which is extremely  endearing. (The cute grin is even figured into his franchise logo).  Yet the fact of the matter is, behind that grin lurks a pimp, and a professional shit stirrer who makes  his fame and fortune by producing and hosting a television franchise that depicts women in just about the most horrible hostile  light possible. I will admit I have been taken in by his charming grin, and I kinda like the guy, but somewhere in the back of my mind as I contemplate  things like equal pay,  I am always thinking of him as the enemy, because he is  promoting and even egging on the nasty mean girl dramas that this show thrives on. Does he really hate women?  I can't say, but wow, what a way to image build women! 

And yes, these women are all trying to build their  "business empires"  and are obviously  using the show to promote their endeavors,  but  why , knowing what we know about the history of women's rights in this country, do  we enjoy watching these women degrade themselves, even whore themselves  for the sake of the almighty dollar? Is it making me feel better about my own values? Probably. Does it make me feel financially inadequate- sometimes, if for nothing else, for the sheer fact that I can't believe these shallow ninnies have so  much more money to throw around than me (  and I have yet to see a book on a shelf, or  anywhere in any of their homes...).... They just seem so unbelievably shallow...and they don't even appear to be all that happy as they flash the red bottoms of their $600 Manolo Blaniks - Is this the American Dream for women?   Moreover, although they all have some kind of charity they seem to endorse in front of  cameras ( in between cat fights and backstabbing) , it seems to be at the expense of the rest of us women. Doesn’t seem  they  are all that charitable when you think of it.  They are worshippers of the almighty dollar, and God forbid another woman gets in their way because pass the popcorn, here comes another snipe fest...


  The show amounts to a really bad public image of American women- and that's a high price to pay when U.S. women are still only earning  77 cents on the male dollar, according to the latest  census statistics. (That number drops to 68% for African American women and  58% for Latinas).  How are we ever going to be taken seriously on the equality front with images like these?  Whether we like it or not, or whether you think I am just being a stick in the mud of plain ol' fun- these are horrible images that set women back decades, and it's starting to bug me. I'm wondering why it doesn't bug more women- and why there haven't been more outcries? 

My point is this... women seem to love Andy, and don't seem to notice or care that all the while he is laughing, smiling, grinning that shit eating grin, and producing more and more Real Housewives around the country,  he is  taking a proverbial sledge hammer to the fight for equality.  It's a public relations fiasco on that front- as it perpetuates stereotypes of women that  many intelligent women before us have fought against. The women on his shows are all but ruled by their love of  lavish material things,  are obsessed with fame, collagen lips, silicone breasts,  plastic surgery, tanned skin. . and the list goes on. They compete viciously with each other in everything from, who has the biggest mansion, who can look the most sluttish, whose husband loves them the most and who can demonstrate that love by lavishing them with things like the most diamonds, who owns the fanciest cars, the largest breasts, the longest hair extensions, the best vacation spots, the most expensive wardrobe, the most nannies for their kids, blah blah blah blah and they are hottest crap on TV... If one could argue that these women are savvy business women and therefore in this respect, great role models, then shouldn't they be competing with men instead of tearing each other down every chance they get?

I'm writing this blog because I am concerned with how women are being portrayed - frankly I am getting sick of these shows like Real Housewives, and the Bachelor/Bachelorette that keep driving home the idea that all women really want is a man, a mansion, big boobs, and hair extensions- ugh- is too much to ask for a show in which the women are nice to each other, earn money with integrity, show compassion to others, are interested in other things besides clothes sex, money and cute cocktails, and who at least occasionally like to read a good book? I have to say, shame on you Andy Cohen, shame on the American public for accepting this crap, and shame on me for watching …WTF .... 


for my next blog I plan on reviving the "Snappy Retorts" column of Mad Magazine fame in the '70's....

So far in the new year,  I discovered I have a trendy food allergy, have lost five pounds,  had to make the painful and rather adult decision  to have my beloved dog of eleven and a half years euthanized, began an internship in editing for a local publisher,  joined a gym,  and have truly embraced the fact that I have always fought for the underdog. Whether that underdog has been me, somebody I may have even loathed at one point,  or a group that I identify with,  I can not stand to anybody being picked on, bullied,  ostracized or oppressed- there just isnt any justifiable reason for it...

What I have been thinking about the most in the past few days is how much I can not stand mean girl syndrome , and there seems to be a lot of it going around in an environment where people pride themselves on showing how intelligent they are, in an environment where we all  have been training to know better.  Some of us even call ourselves Christians, yet we show a complete lack of tolerance for people who are not like us- I have a problem with this!!!!

We live it seems, in a mean spirited , self serving society, and I for one, am no longer going to sit back and let it happen - I am calling that mean behavior out. We need more kindness and we need it now.  People make mistakes folks, and it's not our job to punish each other- it's our obligation as educated adults to give people a chance and to practice love and tolerance- and to do our best not to take ourselves so damn seriously- it's not only damaging to others, its also extremely boring.

I miss my dog- he never let me down and was truly always there for me when I needed him to be and always had a wag and a kiss for me- even as he took his last breaths he managed to waggle his tail and kiss me - he brought us much joy and comfort...he was never ever mean....

my first blog

Well, let's see. This is my blog, my first blog, ever. I decided to name my blog "maggie asks the floaty pen" because recently I ratted myself out to several friends for being the neurotic fool that I am sometimes. Here's how: When I found out that my mother in law in Ireland had a mild stroke this past week, I somehow managed to convince myself that I must have heart disease too, after all, there's nothing like  the threat of death of a parent ( in this case, an in-law) to remind one of their own mortality.  I'm 52 years old, in my second year of grad school, stressed out, living the life of a 25 year old, and am about 20 pounds heavier than I want to be, and completely ashamed that I started smoking cigarettes again. ( I know- it's a crime).  So I began to obsess on my own mortality- feeling sure that I was going to die... the floaty pen said NO.....

My mother in law is okay for now, thank God. And despite the fact that  we heard that my mother in law was going to be fine, the morning after, I walked out into my back yard and saw a black bird the sise of well, a large cat. I never saw a black bird that large , it was.. yes, a RAVEN....( of the "never more kind") Naturally, I thought it must be a sign that someone was going to die and so, I decided that someone had to be me. So of course I asked the floaty pen, but not before I created the whole scenario in my mind ( I really should have been a film maker)
The floaty pen. you ask? It's an online  free yes/ no oracle  that  you  type your question into, and the floaty pen gives you a yes/no answer.   It's a completely ridiculous habit that I fell into ( like smoking again)  When I am stressed out and want answers,  I know that an electronic floaty pen can't possibly answer my questions in any meaningful way, yet some how those yes no answers in the moment make the moment pass....

How can I possibly admit that I  consult  the floaty pen in a blog that others will potentially read?  The same way I plan on writing about what it's like to be a  52 year old married woman  in grad school who has found a way to compartmentalize her feelings when insensitive people feel they have a right to boldly ask me personal questions such as, for example, why I  don't have children?... or who subtly and sometimes not so suggest  that I am some how not whole because I haven't had children and who think they need  to offer alternatives , such as  suggesting my dogs can be a substitute for children... (yeah.... it's true) One  mother with two toddlers actually said that to me one day... and my response was, "well, no, they're dogs- they are a part of our household and they are like family to us, but they are not a substitute for children" .... as if she was trying to bring me up just half way to her level.... hmmmm , same way I plan on telling you what I think about a lot of things. The next time someone asks me  why I dont have children, I'm going to shut them up by answering, "what makes you think it was a choice."

I started a food journal today too- Im going to lose that 20 pounds....just ask the floaty pen

Until next time,

Maggie