It's Not Over Until the Proverbial Fat Lady Sings

Today is a flat and gray day for me. I'm okay,  I'm not necessarily down, I just feel like a room temperature glass of gingerale that's lost its bubbles. . (I hear it's good for stomach aches....)

 The thing is, I have been working extremely hard at searching for a job every day for the past three months, and this is just one of those days where I've had to stop to undo the knots of worry about my future that seem to have accumulated in my addled brain. It's the longest I've ever gone with out landing a job.  For now, I  just need to step back, rethink my strategy, let go of my fear and resentment, and continue on continuing on. 

That said,  this is hands down the hardest job market I have ever encountered in all of my adult working life. I'm trying to change careers in a bad economy. It feels like someone is playing a really bad joke on me, considering the fact that it coincides with my recent graduate degree and the highest level of proven ability and job experience to date.... but a specialized degree doesn't seem to mean squat right now...and yes, I know there are lots and lots of people in the same boat (so say the employed...). 

 Still... I continue to rise to the occasion in an ever more challenging and competitive job market despite feeling at times genuinely frightened, and at at times, seriously panicked.  This economy is not for the faint of heart! With over 175 resumes out there, I have risen to the status of "Guerilla Job Hunter"... and I have good game... I fully research the target company in advance, I do follow ups, write great letters, I think on my feet, have a  great  academic record, solid references, some impressive career experiences, the works...Yes, I'm smart, I can stand out, I promise...but... so far not much is happening… but I’m open…even in this mercenary atmosphere, I'm open.

For one potential job, I interviewed over the the phone for two hours, then met in person with the potential employer for close to five hours. During the interview, his dog farted oniony smells from all the greasy Hungarian meatball treats I was encouraged to feed him to keep him from getting too aggressive, while his master talked, and talked, and talked, in a thick Hungarian accent all the while chain smoking Marlboro Reds.  (I liked the guy).  After the interview, I did some additional research,  found a few potential leads and creative marketing materials for his business.  I  even wrote several follow up emails with a few informative articles about news and developments in his industry. Yet even after all that, he didn't get back to me when it came down to the final decision, despite the heartfelt speech he gave me about believing in being up front, and in keeping promises to be truthful with one another in the process. Uh huh, okay...sure

It's fine that somebody else who is probably more suited to his business needs got the job, it's just the lack of courtesy that gets me down. It's like being  kicked  after you've already tripped and hit the ground. At the end of our meeting,  he walked me to my car and talked to me for another 40 minutes on the street, avowing that it would be 'a couple of weeks' before he would make a final decision, and assuring me he would be in touch, that he liked me very much, that I was highly qualified blah blah blah, but, alas, three, four, five weeks later, ( insert cricket sound).   I even emailed him a final time, just to make sure, but he obviously couldn't be bothered to answer, even though he had taken the time to "friend" me on Facebook.  How awkward is that?  I was so tempted to email him back one more time with a simple "really?"....but that would just be self defeating in the long run, I suppose...because I must leave all doors open for the time being, 'though this blog has the potential to slam that door one more time...at least- (may be time to unfriend him)

Then there is, or I should say, as of today,  there was the potential job with the big publishing company for the sales rep position,  which I was personally and rather highly recommended for by one of the company's valued clients, my dear alma mater.  I made it through two phases of the company's interview process, and was told by the regional manager who interviewed me that it would be a few weeks before the company would  make a decision on which of their candidates would make it to the third round, adding that I "did well," and that he "liked me."   After three weeks of silence I emailed him and a week and a half later... still  ... nothing... not a word....nada, niente, zip...   

Today I got a call from a  teacher friend who got some inside information,  and it looks as though they have all but hired someone.  I hear she looks like Barbie... (very, very faint, yay).

Does my missing a quality or two that you might be looking for warrant the disrespect? I think not. 

So I guess the lesson in this is that the current mercenary trend of low-balling on wages and the 'no word whatsoever non-response  response,'   is  the new millennial way of saying (roughly translated): " you didn't get it, but we needed to string you along for a month while we  hunted around for someone better  (and in this case hotter, younger) while we made up our minds and really, it doesn't matter to us how that impacts you. We were going to get you for really cheap, anyway."    Okay. Okay, I get it, rejection emails are so 2007.  The economy is bad, and the good, real jobs are scarce. ( Did I mention that since I have been  sending out resumes, my inbox is flooded with emails from various financial advisers, mostly Nigerian,  who wish to inform me about a substantial fortune they'd like to share with me if I can just send my banking info)? Seriously, if a person makes it through two rounds of interviews, the very least the interviewer can do is respond to a freaking email inquiry. How hard or  how time consuming is that in our age of technology? Uh, about 130 key strokes and 60 seconds max?   Nobody in my opinion is so important or so busy that they can't be a member of the human race...

And yes, two months ago, if I read a blogpost like the one I am presently writing, I would immediately cast a negative judgment on the blogger as a "whiner" all the  while going over the scenarios in my mind, feeling confident that  similar situations could never ever ever happen to me...because I always, always, always have managed to get the job! ...until this time….

So right now I have to discipline my mind not to dwell on what was, and what isn't, and what others have that I don't at the moment, because to dwell is to feel resentment, sadness, and a deep sense of loss, which are useless, out of place emotions in what is turning out to be a long and uphill trek. But man oh man, it's so damn hard not to dwell and wallow, especially when, in a moment of self pity, it rushes into my head that only a  few short years ago, I had my own business, I was the person who was doing the hiring and firing, and I was the person who had the means and power to help out a few struggling individuals, and back then, my husband and I really did help.  We did not help because we wanted something back, ( how great is that feeling to not want something in return for a kind act!), and we did not help because we felt superior, yet, I find myself hurting a lot these days because life is  not giving back all that much, and its just so hard to understand the whys, and the why nots. It's hard not to feel like it must be the result of  me being not worthy-  it's all such a compare and despair trap, and every few days, I find myself falling into it...

My guess, is that it's not for me to know, it's just for me to accept, and work on. 

I know this much: in the past, when my husband and I saw someone in trouble, they didn't have to ask for our help, we just did it because that's what we believe is the right thing to do. No  fanfare necessary, no need to make anyone feel creepy. Besides it's always been a rather pure way to express thanks and gratitude for what ever abundance we have had in our lives.  

I  was raised by a mother who lived though the Great Depression- and she must have told us a thousand times all throughout our childhood when we were blissfully unaware and oh so lacking in appreciation for what we had in our 6 bedroom, four and half bath tudor home in an upscale NYC suburb, that life and circumstances can, do, and will sometimes change drastically-  She told us stories about how  her family were shameful "rent hoppers" in the early '40's  because her father couldn't find work no matter how hard he looked- and that she and her family lived in a tent on Lake Michigan for an entire summer when she was 10, not because they were on vacation camping, but because they had nowhere else to go. 

Just thinking about  how uncertain  life must have been for my mother as a young girl growing up, makes me realize I really need to stop feeling so sorry for myself ( but don't tell her that)!

The one thing I know in all this is that nothing stays the same. What do they say?  'It's not over until the fat lady sings...'?  I agree.  I'd even go so far as to say never ever  ever think of the fat lady as just "the fat lady"  because everyone and everything is subject to this thing called change.  And hey, don't look now, but the proverbial fat lady you’ve been busy writing off  all this time and  who you have only thought of as  “that fat lady" could now well be the Barbie that just beat you out of your dream job..... 

Let's Talk About The Real Housewives Phenomenon

What in the world is going on in American society that TV franchises like The Real Housewives and The Bachelor/Bachelorette have been so damn successful? I'm not going to sit on a high horse and lie and say I am above these shows because I do watch them and a part of me loves to lie on the couch and judge the hell out of the "real" people that are on them...they make me feel smarter, albeit materially poorer.... but really... what is going on here?  As a female viewer, I won't even excuse my own interest in the shows by claiming it's only harmless "  guilty pleasures,"  or just rewards for slaving away at my studies in grad school, or even argue that it's an escape, because there is so so much more to it than that. I don't know where to begin. But let's start with the Real Housewives Producer, Andy Cohen.

Andy Cohen is undoubtedly one of the most affable and successful TV producers on television today. (In fact, the shows are so successful, he probably owns the Bravo Network by this point in time). He is most certainly a hot commodity in entertainment land as evidenced by his recent  appearance on cover of the  NY Times Magazine. His "Watch What Happens Live" is a half  hour long love fest between him and A-list  celebrities,  all of whom  sit around with him on his cozy little club house set, and "plug" themselves while sipping smart, sexy looking alcoholic drinks, sharing their witty insights about the Housewives and various other really important issues (not)  with us, the plebs out in TV land....  Sigh,.....,  their insights, which are about as deep as the overly tanned, big-boobed-bitchy women they are slamming, are centered on taking sides in the petty fights that the Housewives shows are brimming over with. I won't lie, it is kind of entertaining, it's like watching a  car crash in slow motion... but the bad news is, we are all in the back seat...

   And let's face it,  Andy is a disarming, lovable gay male who has what appears to be a permanent shit eating grin, which is extremely  endearing. (The cute grin is even figured into his franchise logo).  Yet the fact of the matter is, behind that grin lurks a pimp, and a professional shit stirrer who makes  his fame and fortune by producing and hosting a television franchise that depicts women in just about the most horrible hostile  light possible. I will admit I have been taken in by his charming grin, and I kinda like the guy, but somewhere in the back of my mind as I contemplate  things like equal pay,  I am always thinking of him as the enemy, because he is  promoting and even egging on the nasty mean girl dramas that this show thrives on. Does he really hate women?  I can't say, but wow, what a way to image build women! 

And yes, these women are all trying to build their  "business empires"  and are obviously  using the show to promote their endeavors,  but  why , knowing what we know about the history of women's rights in this country, do  we enjoy watching these women degrade themselves, even whore themselves  for the sake of the almighty dollar? Is it making me feel better about my own values? Probably. Does it make me feel financially inadequate- sometimes, if for nothing else, for the sheer fact that I can't believe these shallow ninnies have so  much more money to throw around than me (  and I have yet to see a book on a shelf, or  anywhere in any of their homes...).... They just seem so unbelievably shallow...and they don't even appear to be all that happy as they flash the red bottoms of their $600 Manolo Blaniks - Is this the American Dream for women?   Moreover, although they all have some kind of charity they seem to endorse in front of  cameras ( in between cat fights and backstabbing) , it seems to be at the expense of the rest of us women. Doesn’t seem  they  are all that charitable when you think of it.  They are worshippers of the almighty dollar, and God forbid another woman gets in their way because pass the popcorn, here comes another snipe fest...


  The show amounts to a really bad public image of American women- and that's a high price to pay when U.S. women are still only earning  77 cents on the male dollar, according to the latest  census statistics. (That number drops to 68% for African American women and  58% for Latinas).  How are we ever going to be taken seriously on the equality front with images like these?  Whether we like it or not, or whether you think I am just being a stick in the mud of plain ol' fun- these are horrible images that set women back decades, and it's starting to bug me. I'm wondering why it doesn't bug more women- and why there haven't been more outcries? 

My point is this... women seem to love Andy, and don't seem to notice or care that all the while he is laughing, smiling, grinning that shit eating grin, and producing more and more Real Housewives around the country,  he is  taking a proverbial sledge hammer to the fight for equality.  It's a public relations fiasco on that front- as it perpetuates stereotypes of women that  many intelligent women before us have fought against. The women on his shows are all but ruled by their love of  lavish material things,  are obsessed with fame, collagen lips, silicone breasts,  plastic surgery, tanned skin. . and the list goes on. They compete viciously with each other in everything from, who has the biggest mansion, who can look the most sluttish, whose husband loves them the most and who can demonstrate that love by lavishing them with things like the most diamonds, who owns the fanciest cars, the largest breasts, the longest hair extensions, the best vacation spots, the most expensive wardrobe, the most nannies for their kids, blah blah blah blah and they are hottest crap on TV... If one could argue that these women are savvy business women and therefore in this respect, great role models, then shouldn't they be competing with men instead of tearing each other down every chance they get?

I'm writing this blog because I am concerned with how women are being portrayed - frankly I am getting sick of these shows like Real Housewives, and the Bachelor/Bachelorette that keep driving home the idea that all women really want is a man, a mansion, big boobs, and hair extensions- ugh- is too much to ask for a show in which the women are nice to each other, earn money with integrity, show compassion to others, are interested in other things besides clothes sex, money and cute cocktails, and who at least occasionally like to read a good book? I have to say, shame on you Andy Cohen, shame on the American public for accepting this crap, and shame on me for watching …WTF .... 


for my next blog I plan on reviving the "Snappy Retorts" column of Mad Magazine fame in the '70's....

So far in the new year,  I discovered I have a trendy food allergy, have lost five pounds,  had to make the painful and rather adult decision  to have my beloved dog of eleven and a half years euthanized, began an internship in editing for a local publisher,  joined a gym,  and have truly embraced the fact that I have always fought for the underdog. Whether that underdog has been me, somebody I may have even loathed at one point,  or a group that I identify with,  I can not stand to anybody being picked on, bullied,  ostracized or oppressed- there just isnt any justifiable reason for it...

What I have been thinking about the most in the past few days is how much I can not stand mean girl syndrome , and there seems to be a lot of it going around in an environment where people pride themselves on showing how intelligent they are, in an environment where we all  have been training to know better.  Some of us even call ourselves Christians, yet we show a complete lack of tolerance for people who are not like us- I have a problem with this!!!!

We live it seems, in a mean spirited , self serving society, and I for one, am no longer going to sit back and let it happen - I am calling that mean behavior out. We need more kindness and we need it now.  People make mistakes folks, and it's not our job to punish each other- it's our obligation as educated adults to give people a chance and to practice love and tolerance- and to do our best not to take ourselves so damn seriously- it's not only damaging to others, its also extremely boring.

I miss my dog- he never let me down and was truly always there for me when I needed him to be and always had a wag and a kiss for me- even as he took his last breaths he managed to waggle his tail and kiss me - he brought us much joy and comfort...he was never ever mean....